While playing in the front yard a couple nights ago, my husband grabbed my camera and snapped a couple photos of my daughter and I. It is amazing to me just how much those simple photos meant to me. They are not perfect. Not because the photographer was lacking in skill, but because the subject is haggerred, clearly tired, and no make-up masks the mommy-dark circles that encompass the eyes. But that matters very little. I love this photo. You can see my daughter's chubby hands, dark colored eyes, bald head and fair skin. You can also see her trust of me holding her sideways and almost upside-down. She cares very little. She loves the arms she is in. I love photography because it captures pure moments like this. The trust and love between a mother and a child. I actually learned some valuable lessons about myself by looking at this photo.
1. She trusts me.
That seems obvious. But she trusts ME. I am frail. I am weak. Prone to wander. And she trusts me.
This made me think about how I trust. And WHO I trust.
My Everlasting Father, El Roi, El Shaddai, Holy Eternal God; HE is worth trusting. And yet I don't. I don't trust. Like a child, I wrestle out of His loving arms and tell an all-knowing God that my way is better planned, thought out and safer. That I know best. This limited, emotional, imperfect human knows better than the Creator. How dare I?
This cannot be.
2. I love my daughter.
I hope that is obvious from this photo as well. She is my treasure. She is one of the three greatest treasures of my soul that the Lord has given me. I would do anything for her, her brother and her dad. I would give my life for them.
God loves more deeply than I ever could. As a mother, that is difficult to admit. But yes, my love for her is not eternal, as deep, perfect or selfless as my Heavenly Father's love for her. Or as His love is for me.
I have to learn to trust the arms that I am in. You'd think I would have this down after knowing the Lord for 10 years. But no. I do not. I wriggle free from His tenderness and demand my own way.
No, knowing the Lord is not always safe. He often carefully leads us to places that force our trust in Him.
I need Him. I need His love. I need to trust Him.
He is perfect. He is good. He is loving.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
*El Roi- The God who sees
*El Shaddai- God Almighty